It is not normal for my life as an alcoholic, to be willing to get out of bed before I absolutely have to do so. For the last several months though, I have been waking between 3 and 7 in the morning.
Months ago, I read a book called “Miracle Morning”. It speaks to the thought of getting up early in order to get some much needed work done at the beginning of the day. I don’t follow those directions exactly, I just do what needs to be done.
I wake up at 3 in the morning. I let the dogs out for some necessary business, I get the coffee started (I had to switch to decaf) and I take my morning medicines. I test my blood sugars, and I focus on what is in front of me to do. Before the dogs come in, I have the first smoke, read Dear Abbey, and consider my day ahead.
I go through my planner and picks three things that absolutely must get done today. I also go through the homework from the night before, and see if I left anything out.
The dogs get fed, and the coffee gets poured, and the morning chugs along. Morning prayers, maybe a chapter or two of study, and before I know it, it’s time that Dad is up and out of bed.
I have just had a few hours to myself, a few hours of peace and quiet, and a few hours with God.
It’s a good thing.
Yes, I take my recovery with me when I travel. My “bugout” bag has my Big Book, 12 x 12, dictionary, and BuJo in it. I enjoy the ability to grab a bag and run when I need to.
This morning, I was planning a cozy day on the farm. It turns out I was needed in Minnesota. I had 20 minutes to grab the necessities and fly down the interstate.
It has been several weeks since my last trip, so I had nothing together. Keeping a “bugout” bag, especially in circumstances beyond my control, is something I had never thought of applying to my recovery.
My recovery kit, always sits at my desk for easy access. I was able to toss that in in seconds. A change of clothes, and my toiletries, as well as my medical kit and I was ready.
Recovery certainly added a few pounds to the basics I need, but I don’t mind the extra weight. What is more important, my serenity and sobriety, or working without the program at my side?
I think that the fact that my recovery was the first in the bag, was a good thing.
That’s all for now.
Glad to be home with my boys.
Friday night, I’m going to my home group. I’ll be receiving a 19 year medallion. For a few years now, I have shunned the sobriety birthday meetings. I just am not feeling it, usually. I get to the point that it isn’t the focus of my life. However, there is a reason that they make those medallions. There is a reason that birthday night is celebrated.
I just don’t want to do it.
Yet, Friday night, a good friend and my family will be there with me to celebrate my birthday. I’ll do it, speak a minute, and move on. We will probably do something else, I’m not sure. However, it is going to be another day in recovery.
I’ve been dreading it.
To be honest, I just want to stay home and eat mashed potatoes and gravy alongside some fried chicken.
Life gets teedjious…
It is my fault. I have been focusing on a thousand things, and very little has to do with my recovery. Recent events have helped me to focus on a different area of my sobriety journey.
My husband and I have been struggling for several years. I have thought about divorce for a long time. I finally started praying over it, after talking with two different law firms. I was too poor for the one, and too rich for another.
I hit my knees.
Finally, step 8 hit home. I had never forgiven my husband for any thing.
I carried my grudges, and fed them. I no longer knew what was real or not in our marriage.
I turned to non-conference approved materials. The first, a movie called The war room. I started with a small notebook, I started pinning sheets of paper with prayers and scriptures to my wall in my bedroom.
II also turned to an older movie, called Fireproof. I had tried the love dare system before, but gave up. I hadn’t forgiven him.
I hadn’t applied the program. I am working on it, slowly, and one day at a time. I am not innocent either. I have so many amends to make.
That is all for now.
I am propped up in bed now. I have been live streaming Homicide Hunter from ID for the last couple of days. I do spend most of my time in bed now.
Medically, the migraines are down to a dull roar, yet they are always present. I am taking the time in bed for some important work. I’m slowly, painstakingly filling out divorce paperwork. I am the alcoholic wife of an alcoholic. I don’t want to be one of those things anymore.
It is one of those things. In the meantime, I am trying to get to meetings as often as I financially can. Since Dad and I live about 17 miles from my home group, it is sometimes tough to get to a face to face meeting.
That is all for now. I hope all is well with you. I will attempt to post more in the future.
Just another alcoholic
Been still having the migraines. I am working on my notes for the forward to the 2nd edition. I usually speak at the treatment center on the first Thursday, but I feel it is more important to get these migraines under control than drive.
Dad and Duke are okay, Duke being our beloved dog.