The battlefield.

It is my fault. I have been focusing on a thousand things, and very little has to do with my recovery. Recent events have helped me to focus on a different area of my sobriety journey.

My husband and I have been struggling for several years. I have thought about divorce for a long time. I finally started praying over it, after talking with two different law firms. I was too poor for the one, and too rich for another.

I hit my knees.

Finally, step 8 hit home. I had never forgiven my husband for any thing. 

I carried my grudges, and fed them. I no longer knew what was real or not in our marriage.

I turned to non-conference approved materials. The first, a movie called The war room. I started with a small notebook, I started pinning sheets of paper with prayers and scriptures to my wall in my bedroom. 

II also turned to an older movie, called Fireproof. I had tried the love dare system before, but gave up. I hadn’t forgiven him.

I hadn’t applied the program. I am working on it, slowly, and one day at a time. I am not innocent either. I have so many amends to make.

That is all for now. 


Update late August 2017

I am propped up in bed now. I have been live streaming Homicide Hunter from ID for the last couple of days. I do spend most of my time in bed now. 

Medically, the migraines are down to a dull roar, yet they are always present. I am taking the time in bed for some important work. I’m slowly, painstakingly filling out divorce paperwork. I am the alcoholic wife of an alcoholic. I don’t want to be one of those things anymore.

It is one of those things. In the meantime, I am trying to get to meetings as often as I financially can.  Since Dad and I live about 17 miles from my home group, it is sometimes tough to get to a face to face meeting.

That is all for now. I hope all is well with you. I will attempt to post more in the future.

Just another alcoholic


Been still having the migraines. I am working on my notes for the forward to the 2nd edition. I usually speak at the treatment center on the first Thursday, but I feel it is more important to get these migraines under control than drive.

Dad and Duke are okay, Duke being our beloved dog.



Sorry about the hiatus. It has been a bit chaotic.

My sister is selling me her old vehicle. It is in pretty good condition. I have been working on getting the title and insurance transferred over.

Our well pump, after 20 years of initially great service, and more recently mediocre service, finally gave up the ghost. We were completely without water for over 30 hours. We do not have air conditioning, due to my severe allergies. It was a nightmare. Over 1 month’s income spent later, we have a lovely new well pump, and all is well. However, we are a bit less comfortable than we were a just days before.

The migraines are taking over completely. I spend most of my time in a dark room with windows open and a fan blowing on me. I hate the medication the Dr has prescribed, as it gives all of the symptoms of being drunk. A migraine is like a hangover in reverse, especially with this medication. Sighs. Maybe someday there will be a cure, and not just a pill to cover it up.

Sobriety is still my 2nd priority. Even though chaos has been going on, and things have been inconvenient, I still am sober. Life is still good. Even with migraines. I am alive, and there is always hope.

That is all I can ask for.


Medical problems please stand by

Due to the summer heat and severe migraines I will be cutting back posting to a couple of times per week until my Doctor can help me find a solution. My apologies.

Please review the archives if there is something you are interested in. I am heartbroken, as I have so many topics I want to write about. 

Thank you. 


The only Big Book some will ever see

I confess that I pull these topics off the top of my head most days. Sometimes, I am able to tie them to other topics I have shared on, usually, it is just random thoughts. This is another one of those random thoughts.

I heard, when I first came to AA that I needed to behave as I could be truly the only Big Book that someone would ever see. I’m still confused by this, especially since most people do not know that I am an alcoholic, let alone in recovery. Yes, close family and friends know, as does my medical team. Yet the broad public does not know and does not need to know.

So breaking down this phrase a little bit more, I take it as if I am supposed to behave as if God is my new Employer. I am to behave as if God is my director. I am to be helpful to others if I am able, and to pray for those that I am not able to help.

If I am requested, on those rare occasions that it happens, to help another alcoholic outside of the rooms, I am to give the information and to share my experience strength and hope with others, especially alcoholics.

I try, when working with strangers, to keep my alcoholism off the topic list, and yet to act with the best manners I can. This is a huge change from years ago. I was an entitled brat. The world owed me, or so I thought, and I was to be catered to.

Ironically, as the daughter of a hard-working man and woman, I was owed nothing. I had contributed nothing to society, and yet…

By working the steps, especially step 3, and changing my will and life, I don’t believe that anymore.

Today, I am just grateful to be alive.

That’s all I have for now, may God be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit.