Essays

Quick trip

Yes, I take my recovery with me when I travel. My “bugout” bag has my Big Book, 12 x 12, dictionary, and BuJo in it. I enjoy the ability to grab a bag and run when I need to.

This morning, I was planning a cozy day on the farm. It turns out I was needed in Minnesota. I had 20 minutes to grab the necessities and fly down the interstate.

It has been several weeks since my last trip, so I had nothing together. Keeping a “bugout” bag, especially in circumstances beyond my control, is something I had never thought of applying to my recovery.

My recovery kit, always sits at my desk for easy access. I was able to toss that in in seconds. A change of clothes, and my toiletries, as well as my medical kit and I was ready.

Recovery certainly added a few pounds to the basics I need, but I don’t mind the extra weight. What is more important, my serenity and sobriety, or working without the program at my side?

I think that the fact that my recovery was the first in the bag, was a good thing.

That’s all for now.

Hugs,

Louise

Advertisements

Sobriety Birthdays

Friday night, I’m going to my home group. I’ll be receiving a 19 year medallion. For a few years now, I have shunned the sobriety birthday meetings. I just am not feeling it, usually. I get to the point that it isn’t the focus of my life. However, there is a reason that they make those medallions. There is a reason that birthday night is celebrated.

I just don’t want to do it.

Ever.

Yet, Friday night, a good friend and my family will be there with me to celebrate my birthday. I’ll do it, speak a minute, and move on. We will probably do something else, I’m not sure. However, it is going to be another day in recovery.

I’ve been dreading it.

To be honest, I just want to stay home and eat mashed potatoes and gravy alongside some fried chicken.

Oh well.

Life gets teedjious…

The battlefield.

It is my fault. I have been focusing on a thousand things, and very little has to do with my recovery. Recent events have helped me to focus on a different area of my sobriety journey.

My husband and I have been struggling for several years. I have thought about divorce for a long time. I finally started praying over it, after talking with two different law firms. I was too poor for the one, and too rich for another.

I hit my knees.

Finally, step 8 hit home. I had never forgiven my husband for any thing. 

I carried my grudges, and fed them. I no longer knew what was real or not in our marriage.

I turned to non-conference approved materials. The first, a movie called The war room. I started with a small notebook, I started pinning sheets of paper with prayers and scriptures to my wall in my bedroom. 

II also turned to an older movie, called Fireproof. I had tried the love dare system before, but gave up. I hadn’t forgiven him.

I hadn’t applied the program. I am working on it, slowly, and one day at a time. I am not innocent either. I have so many amends to make.

That is all for now. 

Update late August 2017

I am propped up in bed now. I have been live streaming Homicide Hunter from ID for the last couple of days. I do spend most of my time in bed now. 

Medically, the migraines are down to a dull roar, yet they are always present. I am taking the time in bed for some important work. I’m slowly, painstakingly filling out divorce paperwork. I am the alcoholic wife of an alcoholic. I don’t want to be one of those things anymore.

It is one of those things. In the meantime, I am trying to get to meetings as often as I financially can.  Since Dad and I live about 17 miles from my home group, it is sometimes tough to get to a face to face meeting.

That is all for now. I hope all is well with you. I will attempt to post more in the future.

Just another alcoholic

Update 

Been still having the migraines. I am working on my notes for the forward to the 2nd edition. I usually speak at the treatment center on the first Thursday, but I feel it is more important to get these migraines under control than drive.

Dad and Duke are okay, Duke being our beloved dog.

Hugs

Update

Sorry about the hiatus. It has been a bit chaotic.

My sister is selling me her old vehicle. It is in pretty good condition. I have been working on getting the title and insurance transferred over.

Our well pump, after 20 years of initially great service, and more recently mediocre service, finally gave up the ghost. We were completely without water for over 30 hours. We do not have air conditioning, due to my severe allergies. It was a nightmare. Over 1 month’s income spent later, we have a lovely new well pump, and all is well. However, we are a bit less comfortable than we were a just days before.

The migraines are taking over completely. I spend most of my time in a dark room with windows open and a fan blowing on me. I hate the medication the Dr has prescribed, as it gives all of the symptoms of being drunk. A migraine is like a hangover in reverse, especially with this medication. Sighs. Maybe someday there will be a cure, and not just a pill to cover it up.

Sobriety is still my 2nd priority. Even though chaos has been going on, and things have been inconvenient, I still am sober. Life is still good. Even with migraines. I am alive, and there is always hope.

That is all I can ask for.